How to piss off your customer in 5 easy steps

I am sitting in my car in front of my dermatologist writing this to you.

You know what it's like when you have an poor experience and you just need to tell someone? A store or service provider gives you crappy service and you pick up the phone to tell your spouse or wife...

The conversation usually starts with something like: "You will not believe what just happened to me at (insert the place that ticked you off)".

And since my wife, Gina, didn't answer the phone, you get to hear my story of woe.

Lucky you!

These are the step by step exact instructions on how to piss off a customer:

Step #1: Set an appointment you have no intention of keeping: My doctor appt. was at 0800 am. When I arrived at 0755 am, the office was dark, window shades drawn and door locked. So much for my 0800 appt.

Step #2: Open late: At 0802 one window shade went up. Then another, and finally the 3rd. A moment later the waiting room lights came on and a shadowy figure unlocked the front door.

Step #3: Don't greet me: No good morning, no hi, no sorry we're late. Nuthin... just nuthin... She just left me standing there to read all their signs "If you're more than 15 minutes late, you will be rescheduled" and "$50 charge for missed appointments".

Step #4: Delay me again: Nurse tells me to keep my shirt on so I don't get cold. "The doc should be rolling in in a few minutes, she takes her kid to school every morning". Why on earth would you set an appointment that you KNOW will not happen on time ?

Step #5: Don't apologize: The doc just got right to work on my back. No apology for running late.

Yep, not only do I still have the pain in my back, I now have a headache.

Of course when I asked about being compensated for MY time (refer to step #3), I was told they don't work that way.

What's this got to do with your business?

Honestly, I really hope it has nothing to do with your business. Further, i hope you don't follow any of these steps in your biz.

But each step is a reminder that just a little, seemingly inconsequential, detail can ruin the experience for your customer.

Walt Disney demanded that his team "pay fanatical attention to detail". As every detail is either enhancing or detracting from the experience. There is no middle ground.

• Late: Detraction

• Dust on waiting room plant: Detraction

• Don't greet customer: Detraction

Please, examine your business for these teeny tiny but oh so important details.

And please DO NOT follow these 5 easy steps.

You won't profit unless you implement.

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